A is for Al

Al’s World
Once there where 3 great thinkers, let’s call them Al Frankin, Al Gore, and Al Sharpton. They were very smart and thought they had all the answers to the problems of the world. If only everyone would listen. So, they thought they would start a new society, one where everyone would have just what they needed, a place where Mother Earth would be returned to a pristine state.
After several years of searching and finally finding a suitable location and 1000 willing participants they were ready to get started. The volunteers gave everything they owned to the three Al’s and were agreeable to following their directions.
Al. F. was to be responsible for the morale of this new civilization. He would move from group to group telling jokes and helping the people remember how lucky they were to be part of such an important and historic undertaking. He told jokes about overweight conservatives and how they could never function in such a free and just society such as the one they were now building. Everyone laughed as they labored in the fields or ate their simple meals. At the end of the day Al F. would return home to his family and their comfortable home.
Al G. was to be the leader of industry and technology; after all he invented the Internet. He traveled from place to place to insure that internal combustion engines were no where to be found and that the dwellings being built did not adversely effect the environment. He was very good at this, what with all of his experience at Love Canal.
Al S. was to make sure that everyone was treated equally. His direct experience was small but he had been in business with the Reverend Jesse Jackson long enough to know what to do. He made certain that everyone worked equally hard and that no one had any opportunities that weren’t available to everyone else.
In what seemed like a relatively short time to the three leaders all was in order. Everyone was working hard and had a place to live. They didn’t have much but as long as everyone worked they would have food and cloths to survive. And everyone had the same, except for the three Als and their families.
Eventually the people started to notice that the only people who were different were the three Al’s. The next time Al F. went to entertain and improve moral, booing from the crowd overwhelmed him. The audience had forgotten what conservitives were since they hadn’t seen one in so long. When Al tried to make jokes about people in other areas of the new society it upset them even more because they were just like those other people. Then there were complaints that he was allowed to stay home with his kids too often while everyone else’s had to go to day care. The consensus was Al F. need to produce just like everyone else. Al left in a hurry.
Next Al G. started having problems. As he drove around in his air-conditioned limousine checking on the workers, people started to grumble. The fumes from his car and the fact that he never got his hands dirty upset them. He tried to justify what he did by saying “Someone has to do it”. The consensus was there were no other cars except his so it should go, and everyone could check up on everyone else. Just as the crowd finally decided that Al G. needed to have a real job, Al told his driver to step on it and they left the angry mob.
Al S. had problems as well. The majority of the people in Al World started to notice Al S. never really did anything even though he ate twice as much as anyone. By this time everyone was equal and all were treated fairly, or at least the same. It was decided that Al S. would have to give up his nice suits and jewelry and work like everyone else. Al left the area post haste.
The Als called an emergency meeting, just the three of them. They started arguing immediately. None of them wanted to be just like the common folk. Each thought he should be the leader there in the new land. As they quarreled they came to realize that the people did not need nor would they tolerate any leader who didn’t live as they did.

This would be a true story except that people who were duped into joining a society like that would be too stupid to finally demand that their leader become like them.